Dating Housewifes

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The perfumes of the Ladies of London

2020.10.21 19:40 2ndSeasonHousewife The perfumes of the Ladies of London

As Ladies of London is my favorite Bravo show I felt I had to pay homage these fascinating Housewife adjacent characters from across the pond. This cast is so unlike our normal Housewives because we are dealing with an iconic high-fashion muse, aristocracy, royalty, London IT girls and American ex-pats all running in this shared societal circle. The show itself evokes so much scent for me and takes me back to my years of studying and working in London. London gets a bad rap for being quite dreary, but there is the ever present scent of wet earth and stone that in perfumery we describe as, petrichor. From ancient Greek the word quite literally translates to petri-stone and chor- the fluid that runs through the veins of the Gods. In my mind I smell the wet stone of London every time I watch this show. We also see outdoor food and flower markets, open bakeries and patisseries scattered throughout the imagery of London. The smell of cream tea is so comforting and London is a butter shortbread, unlike the crunchy sharpness of a Parisian baguette. We are blessed to also see the ladies celebrating Christmas. Their decor, dresses and parties make Dorinda’s celebrations look like a TJ Maxx clearance aisle. Their homes are festooned in fresh pine garlands, cinnamon sticks and bundles of pinecones. Big bowls of paper whites overflow amongst their crystal laden parties and you can smell the wealth seeping through the screen. This is not your average Bath & Body Works Christmas aroma. Throughout their homes we see Cire Trudon candles littering their vanities and living rooms. Cire Trudon, founded 1643, is the oldest wax producer in France. They add sumptuous high end fragrances into their handcrafted glass vessels. Alas, you have home fragrance fit for the cast of Ladies of London. Now that I’ve painted a bit of picture for their stage, let’s delve into my favorite Bravo cast.
Annabelle Neilsen- Our dearly departed Annabelle Neilsen lived a life so big and so dramatic that she sounds like a modern day fairytale. Born into aristocracy, Annabelle escaped the clutches of formal society delving into modeling, fashion and a high life which led to her being the muse for Alexander McQueen. She was a natural beauty that commanded huge attention in her lifetime. Images of her, Kate Moss and Naomi Campbell are common throughout the show, as if to remind us that she is so unlike the rest of the cast. Likewise, in an interview she stated that she wore Daphne by Daphne Guinness for Commes Des Garcon. Daphne Guinness was the persona that Catherine O’Hara based Moira Rose upon for anyone looking to deep dive into this wonderful woman’s existence. Daphne is enchanting and out of this world. This is first time we are seeing this niche, avant garde perfume house amongst the Housewives. Daphne is since discontinued but it wows upon first scent. Its a huge outstanding tuberose scent, but unlike Fracas it is warmed and bedded by resinous amber, incense and oud. It’s lifted only by a small citrus note. This scent is bizarre and blankets the wearer for days. Its richness is both unique and yet compelling. I imagine that Annabelle was drawn to the feminine formality of the tuberose juxtaposed by such deep incense laden base. In addition to Daphne, Annabelle was known for wearing Alexander McQueen’s Kingdom, which is since discontinued. This perfume like Daphne is dark, brooding and strange. It was intended to express the hidden world of a woman, but many people swear this smells of a woman’s private parts due to the bizarre cumin opening. It’s spicy, floral, ambery and green. This scent smells like nothing I’ve ever smelled before and I can see how it was too strange at the time of its release to find success. Its rarity leads to its heightened cult status within the perfume world. I am happy to think of Annabelle inspiring this bizarrely enchanting scent and wearing it in her lifetime. An iconic scent for an iconic woman.
Caroline Stanbury- Caroline is so bold and bitchy as the queen bee amongst this crowd that I truly did not know what to expect from her fragrance wardrobe. Part of Caroline’s personality is that she adores Americanness, flashing money and being extremely loud mouthed. In suit, her signature scent Rose Alexandrie by Georgio Armani is such perfect all bouncy blonde bergamot rose scent. This is a bright citrus rose that can disappear in an office and also shine at an al fresco rosé drenched afternoon. There is a touch orange blossom in this that evokes the St Tropez sunshine of Caroline’s summers. Much like Caroline herself, it’s adored by the masses and once people fall for it they never turn back. I simply cannot get enough of this type of fresh floral. It just never goes stale and always enchants.
Caroline Fleming- Remember when I referred to the wearer of Fracas by Robert Piguet as the lady who owns her own yacht and needn’t borrow one, unlike our dear Luann? Imagine my surprise when I was corrected that in fact the wearer of Fracas more likely owns an entire castle, like Ms Fleming herself. Fracas stands as one of the most elegant, humongous floral signature scents. The tuberose in this fragrance is heady, wet and hypnotic. When you plant your face into a bundle of tuberoses you feel you could almost eat the spongey white petals. This is how Fracas feels. The femininity is unbridled and yet refined enough to be one of the most famous floral fragrances of the past century. Baroness Fleming additionally has a very successful lifestyle range of homeware, cookbooks, hosiery and naturally perfumes. Her first scent is titled Eau de Vie by Caroline Fleming. It is a very wearable day scent of citrus warmed with smokey-green vetiver, cedar wood and Ambergris. Caroline’s second perfume was inspired by her only daughter, Josephine and is named after her. This falls into suit with famous young, pink florals like Miss Dior and Coco Mademoiselle. Josephine is fun, flirty fruits and flowers enveloped in a musky patchouli base. This is a youthful delight that is very marketable.
Marissa Hermer- Marisa’s scents lean into her California cool-girl persona with that put-upon snobbishness that she so comfortably tosses around. Marissa herself states that her home away from home scents that remind her of California are Gardenia by Chanel and Kai. Many people find Gardenia by Chanel to be an incredibly lacking scent that does not live up to the house or the flower itself. I think because it was originally crafted in the 1920s it does come off as very bright, but dated. Gardenia scents in perfume now have a rounder, creamier quality more like the actual flower. This is greener and brighter than I would like for a solifore scent attempting to capture the intensity of the gardenia flower. Kai is a scent also worn by Denise Richards and is a perfectly beachy, big white floral California scent. Marisa also attended the release party for Hermes Sur la Toit and keeps it on her vanity. Sur la Toit is a very green, fresh garden after the rain blanketed in summer fruits. I smell a lot of apple and pear in this, and the signature Hermes magnolia that is often used to lift fruity florals. This is a beautiful scent for day to day that operates much like the ever-optimistic blonde that Marissa portrays.
Juliet Angus- Juliet is such a fashion victim and truly a travesty to watch on screen. She is so naturally beautiful and does everything she can to cover that up with trends and labels. Her screeching personality and dress sense is challenging to the eye. I cannot in all of the my love for this show even find one moment when she was not behaving like an absolute ass. Her incredible daughter is her saving grace in this cast. In saying that, I thought she could potentially redeem herself in this perfumery category. I was wrong. She has her blog that her three employees work tirelessly on her to use that platform essentially just promoting brands in exchange for discount codes and as sponsorships. In these partnerships she has promoted both Velvet Haze by Byredo and Nomade by Chloe. Velvet Haze is very polarizing and has a huge fanbase. The scent to me is like a warm sweater and a perfect fragrance for balancing the chill of a rainy London day. It’s a dry yet creamy, musky scent that is very hard to put your finger on. I find this shifts a lot though wear and becomes close to your skin scent as the day lingers. Others are very put off by the patchouli note in this, while it does not evoke the hippie patchouli scents of the 60s, it does wear sort of earthy on people. Nomade by Chloe is similar in that it ends with a musky, patchouli base. However, this starts off with a very sweet, fruity, citrus opening that feels much younger than Velvet Haze. Again, I’m not even sure that Juliet has ever worn these, as she simply hired an intern to write about them on her blog. So, what we know about Juliet is more of the same of what she showed on tv. She would do anything and everything to be aligned with high fashion.
Sophie Stanbury- How can we properly discuss Sophie Stanbury without mentioning her incredibly luscious brunette waves? This woman’s hair has led me down hours of research and failed attempts to mimic its movement and shape. Truly, if you are looking for hair perfection look no further than her YouTube tutorials. Later on her channel she says that her go to scent that she carries in her purse is Eau d’Hadrien by Annick Goutal. Both my mother and grandmother wore this gorgeous citrus scent and so I am particularly fond of it. It runs the gamut of a traditional citrus eau de toilette, yet there is a longevity and roundness to this fragrance that gets lost with many citrus scents. I believe the aldehydes and ylang-ylang are responsible for the rounded sweetness and extended brightness that this perfume leaves with the wearer throughout the day. This sort of casual, elegant and bright scent so perfectly suits Sophie as her namesake “mum-on the run.” It’s effortless and chic.
Sadly, I could not find any press or info on IG regarding Julie Montagu, Noelle Reno or Adela King and their perfume preferences. I refuse to acknowledge the existence of Caprice Bourret from the first season.
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2020.10.21 14:05 radiofree_catgirl While we're waiting for Justice Part 2; I fed the available Contrapoints scripts into a bot an it wrote this video:

"This is a super fucking vulnerable moment for me but i am majestic trash. I was a genderqueer genderfuck who wants to remain good. Maybe don't be a cis bootlicker of the first times. The enthralling plot twist of the knife between the american dream and the proles is pretty fucking upsetting. Maybe don't try to persuade me to publicly transitioned while making anti roleplay against canceling.

Actually i was working on opulence and inequality is women. Like boomers people are aware of trans twitter. When james charles tried to trick straight men into thinking they're gay until they're very deliberately done that 's a lot of people. Whereas gigi gorgeous urges people who are doing it just to get that sinking feeling in your aesthetic. So fucking sinister. Maybe contrapoints is truscum with buck angel being gay married to me.

Culture: oh no one has ever been persuaded by that summer i had privately convinced myself that i was identifying with the midlife crisis fantasies of a repressed english housewife. That 's basically sacrificing people who haven't dated women since i transitioned. Comrades are you … heyhowreyou mansion parties uwu. " contrapoints collaborating with hitler today and y'all would be like ' oh well as by transition glow me to the guillotine.

I guess i basically like the rich people and i am absolutely furious that i'm ashamed i am resplendent. Sometimes marginalized people are wrong to talk about why people cancel. The american people who associate with me will be ostracized from their own community. Guess this is what happened during the bush administration. Cat girls kissing is hot. Whereas, even though my real sexual attraction is to women is very different types of magic. This country is pretty fucking canceled. First of all this is a sexual attraction to my wife. She 's just very satisfying to me because of the sexual woman and that eagerness is pretty inescapable.

I remember one of the first i'll admit that i'm becoming someone who doesn't like that i'm becoming the same thing as hatred of natalie wynn. Meow girldick nya nya nya nya. I honestly don't know what you've heard from my accusers but i'm not allowed to get angry and miserable and despised over another time i was very much of the happiness that you might expect to come along with success. For the last two months i feel like shit, queens who are like me feel like this anime cat girl shit which clearly gets under my skin. white supremacist empire of the american century is the end of reality tv.

In ballroom culture which may haunt me and criticized away their wealth and power they've been denied by the way they're used to escalate conflict instead of promote understanding of justice according to which mia responds: " " garish r. Kelly are you following along class? Because this is what i'm about. 🧐

february knows this is what looks mexican and therefore horrifying. Imagine how used to it i am. Anonymous women are freakish without being charming that is testosterone levels of being ostentatious. Criticism of me sucking dick with you is similarly inimical to the movement. Contrapoints is pretty."
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2020.10.21 13:17 scandstudies I 100% need to get out of here

DISCLAIMER: I never gave my mom any reason to make me live like this and we are NOT POOR. My dad disagrees with most of this actions but is too weak and tired from ACTUALLY WORKING everyday too stop this bs.
DISCLAIMER 2: When I say "My mom paid" what I really mean is "my dad worked and gave money to my mom who then went out and paid".

I need to get out of my parents' house. I leave a toxic and possibly dangerous situation and I can't bear it anymore.This all started when I was little:
I was about 10/11 and first allowed a phone, but while all my friends and smartphones, I had an old nokia. It had to be plugged in in the kitchen after school (so, since it was turned off at school it really had no use) and I could not have any plan so I had to pay for every single msg I sent, making it IMPOSSIBLE to socialize properly because I was only allowed 5€/month (about 40 sms, try to take a look at how many we send now with whatsapp/snapchat/telegram). My mom would go over it every night without me knowing.
I only started to be allowed to have a phone next to my bed when I needed an alarm clock but she didn't want to hear it, so I had could use the vibration to wake up in the morning. (Until that day she had woken me up every morning but wanted to sleep longer. She doesn't work or anything, she just role plays Harry Potter every single day, all day.)

She never gave me any "extra" money, any allowances, she only paid for my gym membership and for the essentials at school, which means low quality supplies that broke after a week and second hand books, (I didn't even have money on school trips when teachers SUGGESTED parents to give us around 10€ for emergencies ) and therefore started stealing them from her bag. I never liked doing that but I couldn't even buy myself a water bottle if I forgot mine or a pack of tampons if I forgot them at home. (note that my water bottle was just a plastic, not-reusable bottle from the supermarket and sometimes would mold/break. ) This of course has lead to many many fights and threats but never to a solution (yes, my mother threatened of sending me to jail for 5€). I was 14, stupid and trying to have a social life while all my friends went out eating, dinner, lunch, clubs... I could not do any of that. I could not go to my best-friends' birthday party because it was at a pizza place and could not pay. Throughout my whole school years I was not allowed any trip that lasted more than 1 day or costed more than 30€. I once wanted to go skiing with my PE class for a weekend. It costed about 250€, all included: travel, food, skipasses, appropriate clothes if you didn't have any and skiis. She told me to choose between skiing with my friends for a weekend and going to the gym for the next 3 months. Again we could afford it. We are not poor and have never been.
She, however, was raised in an era and a family where this stuff didn't exist and she thinks that if she didn't do them, nobody should because they are not needed to grow as a person. Yeah, guess who never developed social skills.
Until I was 16 I was not allowed to use the computer for more than 1 1/2 hours on alternate days, for no apparent reasons since I never got in trouble online or downloaded weird stuff. On the contrary I often fixed problems for everybody and I was doing so since I was about 12. This lead me to not choose computer science in high school, because I was not even allowed to use it for homework.
I thought I had bad to average grades in middle school but nobody ever bothered to tell me that they where more than okay (mostly around 7 or 8 out of a max of 10 grades), not even when I cried histerically everyday after school because I thought I was going to fail becuase I got one insufficient grade. She jsut kept reminding me that I had a bad grade over and over, and my child mind made me have my first series of panic attacks. She never cared or asked the doctor to help me. She game natural bach flowers. Really useful, mom, thanks, curing a real and worsening condition that no 12 years old should have with NATURE. Real cool. But please give me professional help. (Nah, it costs more than 1€)
My second option for high school was languages, but I didn't even try because in my city it's a SELECTIVE school and only takes people with high grades. Also they go on 2/3 school trips every year to places like Spain and China. Sounds like my mother wouldn't let me. I had good grades, and she knew I could get in, but never said anything, not even when I cried because I wanted to be a translator but could not study for it. Talk about supporting your children. I thought I was worthless as a student and went to art high school, which is considered a school for junkies and people who fail at life. She was extremely happy of my choice because she is also creative. And by creative I mean she literally hhas a hoarding problem and has filled two whole rooms with scrapbooking, candle making, gift-wrapping, bijoux making, crafty in general stuff. Two rooms. Cluttered with tree branches that "could be useful one day".
I finished high school without having learnt any job or skill apart from drawing boxes and coffee makers. All the friends I tried to make in school didn't last because I could not message them through out the school years. I could not join group chats or anything because even when I managed to have my dad's old smartphone and later a new one, I only had about 2gb of data which ran out pretty fast.
Also, until I was 17 I was not allowed out after 7pm, which turned to 11pm after turning 18. Most of the times people would meet at 9pm, but I had to move by bus, which only passed two times between 9 and 11, with the last being at 11:02, getting me at home late everytime. Everytime I got home late (of even 1 minute) I had to "serve a sentence" of the same amount of minutes the day after. So, if I got home at 7:15 instead of 7, the following day I had to be home to 6:45. This of course stacked up over time until I could not go out at all. I once had to give up a school party (with teachers and all, we were having and exibith of our work in a local fair, so not like a rave party) and stayed home. When she came back from her choir session (paid for by my dad) she found me crying on the couch and when I cried at her that she was not letting me live my life, she said "oh, I wanted to tell you that you are now allowed to be out until 12pm... What a pity you are reacting like this, you could have just asked, you know"...
...sorry what?
That was the first time I found out my mom is not only toxic, but also potentially dangerous. I started fighting with her about that and she started crying. When I kept going she tried to beat me, which I only escaped by screaming louder than her "what the fuck are you doing mom". This scene repeated a could fights more thoughout my life but I then started to realize it was just better to treat her as a child: whenver she starts crying I stop talking to her, close the door and leave. Not exactly the kind of behaviour you would expect from a parent. Most of the times I feel like I am parenting her.
Let's jump to my 20th birthday. I escaped for the summer in Scotland to work and finally have some kind of money. I made 2000€ by working 3000km far from home. When I come back, she doesn't even come to see me at the airport because "you know you way home". This was when I stopped following her rules. I had spent 2 months by myself and there was no need to follow some kind of curfew anymore. I recently also started gaming pretty hard (clandestinely , of course, by hiding at friends home or skipping school)and managed to get my own middle-end gaming build by convincing them to make me a "two christmases and two birthdays gift". Yes, exactly, after getting my pc I did not receive anything for the following 2 birthdays and next christmas and everytime I needed money for anything (driving license, uni, books, clothes and medical expenses) I was reminded that I already had a pretty big present. The first sumer in scotland however took down most of the rules but also triggered me to go out and try to live everything I did not live before. To this day I have a big, pathological (but never diagnosed because professional help seems to be easily substituted by mallow and valerian and weird flowers) anxiety regarding meeting people, meaning when my friends say "should we meet today" I say YES immediately and make sure everybody reads it and that they know I am going to be there and to show up perfectly on time and if I for some reason have to skip one date I go into a spiral of anxiery and panic that is not easy to get out from. All because my mom would not give 10€ to go to birthday parties. So what happened to the 2000€ I made by working abroad? I saved 1500 of them to pay for my whole year of uni, books, and driving license. The other 500 I used to upgrade my pc, buy myself new clothes and to hang out with friends. They lasted about 6 months. The saved ones lasted for about a year, when I then left again for another summer.
I also got myself a job in a gym and started making 200€/month.
My mom was not happy about how I spent my money and I could have accepted her critiques if she had, ever before, gave me the opportunity to learn how to manage money. But she did not by never letting me have money, so I could not learn and I of course struggled. Keep in mind that for the whole year she didn't have to pay for university or books or food of anykind for me because I entirely paid for it. I have been avoiding medical exams that are not mandatory or urgent for about 6 years now, which means I have the same glasses I had in high school and I am about to finish univeristy. During lockdown they got ruined on a lens and lost like a layer on the lens but she refuses to give me money for it because she says I now have a wage and should pay for them. Replacing a lens would cost two of my current wages: due to covid I only take 90€/month which I would like to save because I might not have a job in a couple of months: there's not enough kids at the gym and we might close forever. But even before, I could have never paid for my glasses to be fixed because my 200€ all went in food, uni books, transport expenses and some regular 2020 subscriptions like netflix and spotify (both at the lower price possible), both of them she also takes advantage of and gets angry if I don't pay them on time. I mostly can't use netflix because Irefuse to pay for more than 1 screen and there's three of us using it. I managed to save 500€, but they all went shit during lockdown because I did not get any money from work while the expenses remained the same as always.
Before I started Zoom University I had to eat out everyday. I like cooking so it is not a big deal but also I had to pay for the food I cooked. So everyday, after working, I went spending what I literally just made to buy vegetables and meat (stuff that for some reason does not exist at my house, because all my mom makes is pasta and other carbs) and then went home to cook them for the following day. When I wanted to re-start training I had to negotiate for months before I could get my mom to pay for my membership (I train in crossfit and pay 79€ a month, half my average wage) and that was something I considered easy. Then I asked her to pay for my nutrionist (choosing the one at my gym so I could have a really low price) and trying to keep the appointments to a minimum. I lost 10kg like this and I was pretty happy to be back on track with my life when... she started refusing to pay for it. Literally refusing to pay for a medical expense because "if you don't have the money you shouldn't be going". Like woman you are my mother can you provide basic stuff for me? I am 20kg overweight because you refuse to let me follow a normal diet and only cook 30g of pasta as a dinner forcing me to eat more nad more carbs every single day because there's nothing else at home. Like wtf I haven't received a single euro from my workplace in 4 months bc of covid, can you be a little understanding?
Nothing, more fights, managed to get her to pay half of the nutritionist appointment, had to pay the other half my self and APOLOGIZE because she would not talk to me. For wanting to fucking get healthy and not die of heart attack.

I... don't know how to react to this.
Also I had covid and she refused to help in any way, shape or form, when the doctor said I should be isolating myself in my room she told me "yeah but you have to wash the dishes that's a no". I had to wash the dishes with covid, probably spraying and spreadin the virus all over the fucking place.
Did I mention that her job should be housewife but she doesn't clean or anything? I clean my own room and often have to fight with my sister refusing to take away stuff from the floor, the rest of the house's floors haven't been washed by my mom in years. Sometimes I wash them when they get unbearably sticky, but I don't do my parents' room because I don't want to but my hands in their stuff: you know, privacy.
She leaves food at the bottom of the sink when washing dishes and never washes the pot where she cooks pasta, she just empties it, rinse it and fills it up again. The sink is always slimy whenver she uses it and it's disgusting. She makes one load of laundry per week and doesn't let my clothes dry properly and sometimes they smell and MOLD. I have to either make my own laundry or intercept her while she folds my hoodies and take them to dry again. Do you know how she complains? She says she needs the rack to dry other clothes. But she only makes another washing in a week and I need the rack for 12 hours.

Also for some reason she doesn't think I should pay for my own food when going out with my boyfriend because "what the hell do you have a boyfriend for if you pay for yourself". She is married.

I don't-
Like how do I-...
I need to win the lottery.

SOrry if this is confusing or too long.
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2020.10.21 08:22 leanbean44 Neglected

My bf 53 m and myself 45 f have dated 3.5 yrs. we live together. I’m beginning to feel used and neglected. I have spent the majority of the relationship being a caring and giving gf. He was remodeling his house and his son was sent to prison when we first started dating. I enjoy home improvement so I did t mind helping him. But, slowly our entire relationship became spending every minute working on his house for 3 yrs. we rarely go out or date. He goes out when I’m not around and I feel upset because we aren’t connecting as a couple. His son recently came home from prison and is living with us. It’s put stress in the relationship because he’s always worried about his son and when his son breaks parole my bf is miserable and we fight. Recently he has stared traveling for work and going to dinner and bars and making plans to travel with work. I’m beginning to feel bored and neglected. I’ve told him this and he makes excuses. Am I being ridiculous that I want a relationship and not just to feel like. A housewife?
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2020.10.21 05:00 moterbikedude Incel logic

So this is going to be long but I find it kind of funny how incels and MGTOWS think. I'm still trying to understand why they think it's ok for them to have a 10/10 women but not for her to have a 10/10 man, and how they think it's still ok for women to just stay home and cook and clean and take care of kids and not work and get a job. There's this YouTube channel I've been watching (mostly out of boredom and because he's really unironically funny) where he says stuff like "Women today are afraid to take responsibility for the house and modern women are too scared to learn basic housewife skills when they're children. Women today don't know how to cook, clean, or take care of the kids. They should have learned to do that while babysitting. But now they are only trying to live their best life." Like, ok that makes sense. By your logic a girl is only meant to basically be a sex slave and god forbid she actually uses her God given rights of being able to live their life the way they want. Also, how the hell is someone supposed to babysit if the wife of the children is supposed to be at home all the time cooking and cleaning? I feel like they view marriage as a sex for life thing where they get to have their fantasies acted out by their wife with no consideration for her wants and needs. Now, in their defense, yes there are women who only date for money or looks or status or whatever but those are usually the top 10/10 girls they think they're intitled too. I love the hypocrisy they have in saying women are shallow but they themselves won't lower their standards. Besides, if you truly love someone they're a 10/10 regardless. I don't know I just find this really funny.
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2020.10.21 04:51 CommonStrawbeary The Problem With Wendy

I've seen a few posts about why they don't like Wendy / why the think Wendy doesn't add anything to the show and I have to disagree; the problem isn't Wendy, it's her association with Candiace.
The issue with Wendy is she hasn't done enough to reach out to the other women. It's made clear in the first episodes that Wendy & Candiace are friends, so Candiace is her opening into the girls and I think Wendy relied on that. Unfortunately for Wendy, Candiace is also the least liked (at least at the start of the season). On the other housewife series, the new housewife makes a date or something with the existing housewives, but Wendy doesn't do that! She doesn't call Robyn/Gizelle/Ashley/Karen up for a 1 on 1 or even 2 on 1 lunch or anything! And that's the problem, she's too associated with Candiace for right now. Even with the Monique fight, Wendy doesn't call any of the other women to get together and see how they feel about Monique or Candiace or get the lay of the land. She's 100% dependent on Candiance for her information about the women, instead of forming her own opinion.
I think Wendy has potential, as evidenced by the Nigerian episode we got this week, but she hasn't made any effort to reach out to the other women. Thoughts?
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2020.10.20 16:05 Anniesparkleqofworld AITA for telling BF mom we will not support her?

I ( 21F) and my BF( 21) have been dating 5 years. I love him, and he is seriously so smart and sweet. I am not a fan of his mother however. She is selfish. Let’s call her Anna. We were having lunch two days ago where she randomly said that we need to rethink our lives because me becoming a housewife one day will prevent her from retiring. I asked what she meant by that and she fully expects her son to take care of her. I told her we will help her out, but in no way expect us to supplement her lifestyle. I then asked how much does she have saved, and how much is in her retirement account. She apparently has no savings, and only 1000$ in retirement because even though she has worked for the IRS for over 13 years, she wanted her check to be bigger and only put money in 2 out of 13 years. I told her she needs to figure something out. This is where I may have went wrongs
Anna : “I gave my son a good life, he owes me” Me : “ His GMA did, you gambled his childhood away, and my family took care of him during his teens” Anna : “ I put a roof over his head and I expect y’all to help me do the same. I gave him the best life” Me : “ but he slept with a sheet with holes in it until I came along, y’all didn’t have pots or pans until I bought them for y’all, my parents fed him and his sister like 5 days a week whether it was Wendy’s or something we cooked. They also bought yall groceries biweekly. You didn’t want to give him a ride to the ACT because you wanted to spend the night at the casino, you would constantly eat in the car because you didn’t want to buy your children food, telling them to call grandma. When BF got his first job you tried to take his checks, but refused to give him rides even tho you were not at work yourself... if you want equal treatment, we can provide you a room but nothing else.” Anna : “ white people raised you so I am not surprised how selfish you are” Me : “ you gambled all your money away making your family suffer and you are calling me selfish”
She left without finishing lunch. My BF says everything I said was true but “ but my mother isn’t smart and she won’t understand your point so keep it to yourself. “ His sister called me furious because now she wants to secure the bag from her instead of her son. She says I’m an asshole because we “will be” the best off. AITA?
Excuse the format. First post and mobile.
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2020.10.20 15:04 throwawayacc29100 I’m a 34 year loser and feel all hope is lost...I’m becoming depressed.

(This is VERY long, sorry, I just needed to get it out somewhere)
I’m a 34 year old woman and everyday I wish I could be 16 again so I could start all over, I would do everything different. I see teenagers hanging out at the mall and a wave of envy just hits me.
Where to start...
Throughout my late teens, early and mid 20’s I was the kind of person that would say ‘oh Ill work on it or do it tomorrow’ well tomorrow came and I kept saying the same thing for years. I’m now realising I had so much doubt and fear.
The only thing I was interested in was acting, 11-16 I done a few plays and was in a short film at 17.
High school graduation came around, everyone was off to college. I didn’t know what the hell I was going to do with my life, I wasn’t the smartest person ever and college wasn’t something I really wanted to do, all I knew is that I liked to act and that was about it. my parents thought I was delusional and just made me get a job in retail and thought that would help me decide what to do with my life.
Well a few years later I still didn’t know what to do, I just knew I liked acting and that was it. Even more years later...still in retail. All hope for doing acting or anything I loved felt like it was impossible so I just gave up on my dreams at 24 years old.
I didn’t see career prospects look promising for me. Never went to college and honestly didn’t see the point as what would I even do? I’m not the smartest person ever to work in these big salary jobs. Retail seems to be the only option for me.
I moved out of my parents house at 26 with very little money I had and lived with my best friend in a crappy small apartment that we rented out. She ended up moving in with her boyfriend so I couldn’t afford to pay full rent so I had to move back into my parents house at 27yrs old.
I then met this guy soon after and we stared dating, things were going well and he was the first boyfriend I ever had at 27!!! Things seemed to be looking up for me, he proposed to me when I was 29 and I couldn’t believe it...but he then broke up with me when I was 30 because he said he wasn’t ready...
Now completely lost and no idea where I was going in life. 30 years old, single and my anxiety of getting older starts kicking in, how tf am I 30? Sitting around the table with just my parents in my childhood home blowing out the candles wondering where the time went while my friends are all in their own homes surrounded by their children and have bright futures. Me looking around and no one in my life on my 30th birthday. I cried all night. Then the anxiety of getting older kicked in, the next steps in life to start a family seemed to be out the window for me too which caused me to spiral and wonder what the hell my life has come to. I know it’s not something you have to do but I always wanted to have a loving family of my own one day.
Ended up moving out again at around 30/31 and got a job in a bar as a waitress, made enough money to get by.
I work and work and never have free time to myself, the wages stay they same but everything gets more expensive. When I look at how shitty our society is it makes me hopeless, we have robots and rockets but people are still starving to death. The rich truly do get richer.
and well now at 34yrs old I have to once again move back in with my parents because I was laid off.
I feel like a complete lonely loser as I sit here in my childhood bedroom staring up at the glow up stars on the roof wishing I could be a kid again, thinking how things were so simple and fun. Thinking back to all those incredible memories I had. Things were simple. And now the nostalgia makes me cry so hard. Wishing I could get a do over. Id do everything different. I spent half my life wanting to grow up and now I regret it.
Every day looks worse and I’ve just become numb. I feel left out and behind in life. I find it extremely difficult to make friends at this age, (even more so now with a fucking pandemic) women are off on double dates with their husbands and having children and having little play dates with their kids in their big white houses, my best friend practically ditched me the days she got married and had kids. People who are couples seem to not like to hang out with single people.
I have no idea what I’m doing anymore, every single dream I’ve had feels like they have been crushed into a million pieces. Ive had very little experience in acting and under circumstances right now i probably won’t get even a small acting job and I’ve practically aged out of an industry in many peoples eyes, I know so many women in theatre who had directors tell them to lie about their age at fucking 28yrs old. Don’t even get me started on the music industry, I met this girl when I was 25 who was about to be signed to a record label but they backed out last minute because they found out she was 26 and not ‘marketable’ enough. If I was a man my career would be taking off at this age. I wish I was man right now I’d still have time for a career and children. It feels like everything favours men, their age doesn’t matter, their bodies aren’t destroyed, they don’t have to go through pms and menopause and all of this fucking shit I never damn well asked for.
I’m so tired and everyday starts to look more and more pointless to me. I’m never going to have my own family and that also has recently started to hurt me, not to mention the judgment from others. Maybe I’ll meet someone one day and fall in love but what men would be interested? seems the guys out there all go for 25yr olds. And when you see 55yr old men having their first child with 25yr old Becky it makes you think how so many things favour men.
I wish I could go back. I wish I was better educated in setting up a successful life for myself but I wasn’t at all. It seemed like all women are taught is to be a good little housewife well when I was growing up anyway.
I’m so tired. I’m tired of feeling like this and I’m tired of crying. My life looks hopeless. Another 30 years working in retail. I can’t do it. Everyday I wish I was on the beach in some tropical place surrounded by loved ones with our own little flexible business we have or something, travelling and just living. But here I am in this cold wet ugly city, no job, no friends, everything is practically shut down, prices rising, no jobs available, people fighting and everyone locked up in their homes. Just sitting here on my childhood bed crying and wondering what the hell is the actual point of all of this?
I don’t know what to do, all hope feels completely lost.
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2020.10.19 15:38 readingrachelx Housewife highlights/Daily shit talk - October 19th, 2020

"Karen Huger isn't going to turn against Monique Samuels.
In a preview for next week's episode of The Real Housewives of Potomac, Karen, 57, slams Candiace Dillard for what she views as her fellow Housewife trying to make her choose a side following Candiace's physical altercation with Monique, 37.
"I'm a little upset that you continuously say I should be against Monique," Karen tells Candiace, 33, in the teaser.
"I need to hear from you that you understand what Monique did was wrong," Candiace replies. (As viewers recall, Monique attacked Candiace earlier this season and appeared to hit her repeatedly on the head.)
"You want me to choose a side and to totally abandon Monique, and I'm not going to do that for you," Karen yells.
Candiace and Dr. Wendy Osefo explain that they don't want Karen to "abandon" Monique, but to simply hold her accountable for her actions."
"After I had the meeting with my pastor, I received this email. My attorney advised that I only speak to Candice with him present. We asked several times for a mediation sit down and she and her attorney REFUSED. She didn’t want to hear an apology! She wanted money."
"You missed the part that we tried to arrange several sit downs and she and her attorney refused. All of this was prior to the filing." (link)
"When my attorney said no we’re not paying her anything because this was not an “attack” or an “assault” but a “mutually consented” altercation (a warning to back up was given followed by her egging on by saying “what you gon do? You gon drag me?”), her attorney’s response was..." (link)
“Well we’re going to sue Monique for MILLIONS and bravo will capture it all!” Then they filed the complaint. Then I countered. Then the state threw both charges out. The End." (link)
Monique had plenty more to say on her Twitter last night but these are the main points.
"The Real Housewives of Potomac Executive Producer, Kemar Bassaragh, opened up about the process of asking cast member to return (or not) during the October 8 episode of The Daily Dish podcast.
“There’s a lot of people involved in that process and we don’t always say we wanna change it up. It all depends on what is going on in someone’s lives,” Bassaragh explained. “For example, if you’re following me, and you were on my journey, and I got married and had a kid, and you were following all this stuff and then you were like, so what is going on in your life coming up? And I was like, ‘Honestly, that’s really it. Like, I’m married. I have a child. Like, there’s nothing new that I can show you.’ That’s usually what happens when someone doesn’t get invited back to our show, because it’s really because of what’s happening in their lives.”
"If they’re at a stalemate, you don’t wanna come back and watch the same exact thing in someone’s lives happening over and over and over again,” he continued. “You wanna see progression and if they’re at a point in their lives when they’re like, 'Guys, you know, everything that I’ve done, I’m tapped out,' it’s usually a mutual decision where everyone is like, ‘well, you know, we really like you, but unfortunately, there’s nothing new happening in your lives, and we’ve already followed you as much as we can.’”
Although it can be tough to say goodbye to a cast member, Bassaragh explained that the excitement of having a fresh face come in makes it easier to “move along.” For example, he noted that The Real Housewives of Potomac’s newest cast member, Wendy Osefo, has been an excellent addition.
“I’m stealing Candiace [Dillard's] word. Wendy is really Black Girl Magic personified. I love her,” he said. “Like, I love her on every level as a person, and as someone that is new to Potomac because she has so much to offer. She made herself the voice of reasoning, and as you’ve seen, there was a lot of back and forth and Wendy emerged as someone who literally was what we were thinking as people watching the show.”
"Oma" Yolanda is sharing a photo of her new grandkid – 21st century-style.
Yolanda Hadid posted a picture Sunday of tiny hands holding her fingers.
"My heart is expending with so much love and joy for this little baby girl she is an angel sent to us from above," the "Real Housewives of Beverly Hills" alum, 56, said on the Instagram post. "Thank you Mommy & Daddy for making me a Oma, I love every minute of it."
The little one is the first child of Hadid's model daughter Gigi and her musician boyfriend, Zayn Malik, who confirmed the birth Sept. 23."
"Braunwyn toured ET's Lauren Zima around her workout room, private nightclub room --complete with stripper pole -- her personal theater and her bedroom. When it came to her spacious closet, Braunwyn joked, "No one's allowed in here. Just me!"
The star then revealed that Sean is "not living here right now." Addressing speculation and rumors that the pair have called it quits, Braunwyn says the truth is actually quite the opposite.
"I love him dearly, we haven’t gotten along this well in a long time," she shared. "We’re redefining what marriage means to us. Not following the old, antiquated rules anymore."
"We're finding a new normal. We're renegotiating the terms of the contract when it comes to our marriage, for sure," she shared during her conversation with ET. "We are [and] we will be married forever. We have one hundred percent faith we are going to raise our kids and grandkids together."
"That being said, do we have to fall into the social norms that everyone else does? No," she added. "We're doing it our own way. Like I said, [it's a] modern marriage."
Braunwyn flat-out rejected the rumors and tabloid reports that she and Sean are planning on divorce, and explained that they've got an open marriage and are making things work in their own way. However, that doesn't mean they haven't had struggles recently.
Reflecting on the qualities that have made it possible to maintain their love, Braunwyn said it's all about "honesty and communication."
"We had to have some really hard talks, don't get me wrong. This has not been easy," Braunwyn shared. "We've definitely had hard times. So for us sometimes [we] can blow everything up to patch it back together."
During this new and unique time in her marriage, Braunwyn has also been working hard to stay sober after a long struggle with alcoholism. The reality star explained that she's been sober since January and reflected on the challenging journey.
"One day at a time, 256 one days at a time. I have a lot of gratitude," she continued. "I have a lot of amazing people in my life that have supported me and I'm so thankful that I was finally able to realize that I can't drink anymore. I've tried every way to drink and none of them work and so having that weight lifted off me, that it's not a choice anymore ... it's just, like I said, one day at a time because I don't want to get ahead of myself. But for today, I don't want to drink and I feel so good. I feel great."
"The Manzo’d with Children matriarch is revealing how she really feels about her eldest son Albie Manzo’s significant other, Chelsea DeMonaco.
The Real Housewives of New Jersey alum once again proved she doesn’t shy away from voicing her opinion, recently taking to social media to give Chelsea, whom Albie started dating last year, her stamp of approval. Caroline showed her support in an Instagram post on October 17, sharing a sweet photo of the couple laughing and looking into each other’s eyes.
“Nothing better than seeing your children with a genuine smile on their face,” Caroline wrote in the caption alongside the photo, also adding several heart emojis.
This isn’t the first time that Caroline has offered some insight into Albie’s personal life. Several months before Albie and Chelsea went Instagram official, the mom of three hinted that he “might be getting engaged soon.”
Back in July, Albie offered his own update on his relationship with Chelsea, sharing his gratitude for her support with some lyrics from a Justin Bieber song. “’Shout out to your Mom & Dad for making you’ -my friend Justin (he’s from Canada) said that in a song once," he wrote on Instagram at the time."
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2020.10.17 17:19 slayermouse Posted on FDS, was told to repost here - basically ranting about my father and seeking advice for my mother

I'm adding this here at the start after I've finished writing it all up, and it's REALLY long. So be warned.
This is literally my first ever reddit post, and I decided to write it after discovering fds a few weeks ago. But I just feel like I need to talk about something. I am 20 years old and I've never had a boyfriend and won't anytime soon, but that's not the problem. I want to talk about my parents.
My dad attempted suicide when I was 12 years old, and was in a vegetative state for a year and a half until he passed away, when I was 14. Of course I was extremely sad because I loved my dad a lot and as a child, he seemed like the perfect father and he had never really done any wrong in my eyes. But since discovering this sub it has made me realise a lot about him.
First of all, he was a terrible husband to my mother. He worked in the daytime, so he would be leaving for work as me and my sister (who is 4 years older than me) were getting up and getting ready for school. My mum would get us up and ready and take us to school. Then, while we were at school, she would spend most of the day doing housework, cleaning and vacuuming etc. She would also cook our evening meals at some point during the day I guess, because they were always pre-made when it came to dinner time. She also made and packed our lunches before school, and I actually think she made my dad's sandwiches too. After school, my mum would pick us up and take us home and then at 5ish pm she would go to work, around the time my dad got home to "look after us". My mum worked nights and she didn't get home until long after we'd gone to bed, maybe 11pm-midnight. And she'd wake up the next morning at like 7 to do it all again. And I even remember one year, my mum got a second job at Argos (probably close to minimum wage) for a few months before Christmas to pay for our presents. I understand that my mum "could" work during the day because we were at school whereas my dad "couldn't" because actually needed to be there at night so we weren't all alone in the house, but neither of them worked most weekends. My dad could have got a weekend job, no? But he didn't, it was my mum who got the second job.
My dad did not do any housework. Like at all. I mean maybe wash the dishes sometimes, but even my sister and I would take turns to do that as kids. My mum did everything else. I don't remember one time my dad so much as vacuumed the carpets. He also didn't do ANY of the cooking. Like I said, my mum would make our evening meals (including his) before she went to work for us to just heat up later. But something that I didn't exactly notice as a child, is that every night my sister would put the food that my mum prepared in the microwave. Not my dad. My sister. My dad couldn't cook, I mean already that's not great but even then, he didn't even heat up our meals. Why was my like 10 year old sister doing that when my dad was upstairs? He also didn't do a whole lot of "looking after" us, he mainly just left us to it all night while he watched tv or whatever.
When I was a kid, I didn't get that much stuff. At the risk of sounding spoiled, I was often very upset because I didn't have the same things that my friends did (many of my friends were from quite nice families and got expensive clothes and gifts). I didn't get a lot of new clothes and I wasn't given any pocket money/allowance so I couldn't really buy anything for myself. Very rarely my mum would take me and my sister shopping and she would buy us a couple of things but not much. Only very recently I found out (my mum told me) that the reason was because when she bought us new clothes, she was paying for it with her own money. Not their joint account. My father earned more than my mother. Why was SHE buying THEIR daughters' clothes with HER money?
I also want to touch on the fact that he wasn't exactly a great father to my sister. He was fairly obvious with his bias towards me. I don't know why but I was his favourite, and he didn't exactly try to hide it. He would always side with me, which would in turn force my mum to side with my sister. When I was younger I honestly thought my mum liked my sister much more than she liked me but actually I think it just seemed that way because she was trying to balance my dad's favouritism for me. I believe when she was very young he also used to smack my sister when she was naughty, which I don't actually remember because I don't think he ever did it to me. What I do remember, though, is this one time, my sister dragged me by my legs through her door, which obviously hurt and I cried and told my dad. Instead of telling her off or idk, any other punishment, his choice was to drag her by the legs through the door "to see how she liked it", which resulted in her hitting her head on the door and needing to go to hospital to get it glued back together. Back then I just thought, "Well, she did it to me first", but now I'm like, "yeah but she was a kid and he was an adult". I also wonder what he said to A&E, I wonder if he told the nurse it was his fault? She wasn't exactly beaten up and the cut wasn't severe but I feel like it would still look a bit... suspicious? This happened when I was maybe 6 years old, so I really don't remember well. But I also want to mention that while my dad never hurt me, as a child my sister was very emotionally (and occasionally physically) abusive to me, and I actually wonder how much of it she picked up from my dad, and whether it was anything to do with the fact he was meaner to her so she took it out on me.
Finally, we get to his death, and the lead up to it. Basically, my mum wanted a divorce. As a child I didn't understand why, because all I really wanted was for my family to stay together, but as an adult I certainly see why (and I'm sure you can too). In his defence, I genuinely think he still loved my mum at the time. He was brought up in a very traditional house where his mother was the typical housewife (even though my nana did have a job) and the husband was the breadwinner. He honestly might not have even realised what he was doing. But I know why she wasn't in love with him, and why she needed her life to be different.
My dad did not want the divorce. He didn't want to move out. I remember him suggesting we convert the garage into another bedroom so he could still live at home but not necessarily be in a "couple" with my mum. Once again, as a child, I was fully supportive of this idea because of course I didn't want my dad to leave me. But obviously now I realise it is a pretty ridiculous idea and it's unsurprising my mum didn't agree. She would have been stuck still doing all the cooking and cleaning and basically still being his housewife, the only difference would be sleeping in separate rooms.
My dad tried to kill himself somewhere in the middle of the divorce. I don't want to ever call suicide "selfish" (well, except maybe for criminals) and I know he was actually struggling with mental health, but still, it's like he didn't think of his family AT ALL. Even if he'd have succeeded, he still would have left my mother mid-divorce and he would have died (and he still did die) with them still married (my mum has since changed back to her maiden name though). The problem was, he didn't succeed. And he was in a vegetative state. He was in hospital and then a full time care home for the remainder of his life, so fortunately my mum wasn't stuck caring for him, but what she DID have to do was all his laundry, for the first like several months that he was in hospital (the care home did the laundry so thankfully she didn't have to do it the whole time). She also had to deal with a whole lot of shit from her mother-in-law, who seemed to blame my mum for the suicide. It was not my mum's fault, it was my dad's choice.
So basically, an illusion has been shattered. When I was a child and actually up until very recently, I honestly thought the world of my dad. He seemed like the perfect father and I loved him and he did love me and I missed him a lot. I didn't used to understand why my mum and my sister didn't seem to love him the way I did, and why they weren't as upset as me when he died, but it's because he didn't love them or at least treat them the way he loved/treated me. He was a terrible and possibly even abusive husband/dad to them, even if he was nice to me. I also feel guilty about all those years in my childhood when I actually loved my dad more than my mum. Obviously I never told her that, but I don't think I hid it well either. She used to say I thought my dad was nicer because he was barely ever there, and I thought it was nonsense, but tbh it was true. My mum did 90% of raising me. My mum is amazing. I love her.
This is the final paragraph, don't worry. But it's incredibly infuriating. After my dad died, my mum met and started dating a new man, and they've been """together""" (that is a stretch) for 5 years. And he is literally worse than my dad. Much, much worse. He doesn't live with us (luckily for me because I still live at home and frankly I do not want him here) and he only comes to visit her like once a month. Before lockdown I mean. He has come once since lockdown but in fairness our area is under higher restrictions bc higher covid cases so he can't actually come. But even before that, he still barely saw her, he would come over very very occasionally, and she would cook him burgers (because he likes them - she doesn't) and have sex and then he'd leave and not come over or even call her back for ages. And she would be crying on the phone to him because she missed him, and he would block her. She would use my phone to try and call and then I got blocked. But she always seems to forgive him???? Like time and time again. I KEEP telling her to dump him, and she says "I have" but he always comes back. Always. Not only that, but he is openly sexist and racist. He literally admits it. He said something about women belonging in the kitchen, I told him he was sexist, and he said, "Yeah, I am". He also has a Hitler tattoo. He is LITERAL trash. But I can't get her to get rid of him!!! When I asked her why, she said "it's not like I have anyone else" but doesn't she see no one is better than that asshole? My sister is also about to get back into a relationship with a LVM she dumped a year ago but that's another story. In conclusion, thank you for enduring all that, I hate men and wtf do I do to stop my mum going back to this man? Which book should she read? I doubt she'd listen to reddit. She needs feminism desperately.
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2020.10.17 15:24 readingrachelx Housewife highlights/Daily shit talk - October 17th, 2020

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2020.10.17 11:19 Redheadeddanger He said he’s getting a lawyer on Monday

We’ve been together 12 years, married for 7, fighting for 2, and separated for like a week. He says he is just done and I believe him. The pandemic has taken away everything else that made us happy and being trapped in a house together for months on end with no break in sight has only exasperated things. I’m panicking now because his text about the lawyer means it’s real and I’ve been living in a dream world where I thought things would magically be ok somehow. Probably because I daydream everyday that it could be how it was years ago if only I could figure out how. He’s the only person I’ve ever dated and I’ve spent my 20s as a housewife so the thought of starting over completely while heartbroken is extremely overwhelming. I keep wanting to pull the covers over my head and pretend it’s not happening but that won’t help anyone. Our kid is just old enough to notice him moving out and I can’t stop thinking about how this will impact them. Unemployed single mom with no real job history during a pandemic is not where I saw my life going at all, I honestly thought I’d grow old with him and have a bunch of babies and grand babies. I am not looking forward to telling my friends who will all be blindsided because I was too cowardly and ashamed to talk about any of my marriage problems. I’m also not looking forward to being disowned by my sexist divorcée shunning religious family, especially since I’m losing his family too. I already know they’ll blame me for the divorce and being unable to make him happy, they’ve done it before when another family member’s wife left because she was cheated on, she became a villain overnight, which is probably my future as soon as the word gets out. The reality of the situation is really hitting hard right now. It’s all I can think about for the moment.
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2020.10.17 10:55 removalbot 10-17 08:55 - 'Respect a Women ! Always 🙌🏻' (self.india) by /u/jdjigar removed from /r/india within 736-746min

Dear Girls !
Never remove your clothes to prove your love. Going to Date is okay but before marriage never go to bed. Get a boy who can buy safety pads for you, not condoms. Get a boy who can take you to his home, not to the hotels. Get a boy who asks about your period’s pain, not for nudes. And get a boy who choose your souls and your heart, not the body!
Respect is one of the greatest expressions of love. A real man never hurts a woman. She is not just a housewife who cooks your meals and washes your clothes. She is a homemaker who holds together the family and makes sure that everything is as perfect as it can be once you get home. Respect for women is one of the greatest gifts a man can show.
#Respect #Women #womenempowerment #womenpower #respectwomen #love #ebooks #success #education #digitallibrary
Respect a Women ! Always 🙌🏻
Go1dfish undelete link
unreddit undelete link
Author: jdjigar
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2020.10.16 14:23 readingrachelx Housewife highlights/Daily shit talk - October 16th, 2020

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2020.10.15 21:17 Sim_a_nator PLEASE HELP! My child's health and wellbeing is at stake here. Desperate for advice. WARNING: EXTREME GRAPHIC VIOLENCE OF SPOUSAL ABUSE *NSFW*

TDLR: There is none. I feel every single detail is important. I'm aware like 96% of you won't bother reading and that's understandable. But I am BEGGING you to please put the time aside to do so. Please, my son and I are human beings and we need legal advice desperately since in my state, I am NOT entitled to a lawyer if I cannot afford one. Although, again, if not, it's totally understandable and I'm not knocking ya if you just can't keep up. goes
State located (all party's involved): CT (very close to Yale University in New Haven which may be my only hope)
Summary of my relationship with ex: I am the mother of ourv14 yr old boy. His father and I never married, we had our son when we were both 20 yrs old and we were in an abusive relationship together for 12 1/2 yrs when I left him. I say abusive because although we got along through most of it, there were a handful of extremely violent outbursts.
One example which was extremely traumatic for me, was when my ex and I were arguing, I ran to the living room and tried to keep the door shut from him coming in, and he pushed the door with such force that a piece of the door broke creating a hole at face level. So I (regrettably) grabbed a long piece of another part of the door that broke off, stuck it through the whole with the intention of getting him away from the door and it ended up hitting him in his face close to his eye. I KNEW in that moment I was screwed. This caused him to become beyond enraged like I've never seen in any human before and it terrified me so much that I just started screaming "I'm so sorry!" Repeatedly and ran. This did nothing to help me as he almost seemed possessed with rage. He grabbed me by my hair, and started smashing my face on the hard wood floor over and over and overbagain as I was continuously screaming "I'm so sorry!". Eventually as he kept smashing my face on the ground, I saw my front tooth go flying. Finally after he stopped he started crying and saying I bring out the worst in him, etc. My son did not witness this as he was waiting in the car because we were about to leave somewhere. But as I came outside to get in the car, he (being around 4yrs old) started crying when he saw me, asking mom are you ok bc my face must have looked a mess even with make up on . Now I added this bc it is relevant to know the dynamic of our relationship. I am no saint either and although I was not violent, I was not a very good housewife. Whole he was the sole provider of our income and with me being home, I should and could have done a much better job with the housework and I should have put effort into finding a job so we could have more stability. I was lazy. As a father, he was NEVER physically abusive to our son. I would sum up his relationship with our son as he was jus disinterested. Wouldn't greet him when he came home from school. Never spoke to him. No interest at all in anything except when we had our son play football as he would enjoy watching his games and practices. That didn't last as my son didn't end up liking the sport. On the other hand, as my mother put it, me and my son were best friends.
When I left:
This is where I screwed up and it eats me alive!!!!Now it's important to say my ex and I are both recovering addicts. We were clean and stable for 10 years (we first started using when my son turned 1 but went on methadone by the time he turned 2). 3 1/2 yrs ago I had enough of being with my ex. There were MANY factors in this. We decided to separate, letting our son stay at home where he was most comfortable and me staying with my dad on his couch (Not much room for my son). Shortly after I met someone. Now this is where I made mistakes and will never forgive myself for choices I made. I started taking pills with this new guy (therefore relapsing) and having full intentions of moving in with him with my son, my family and my ex rightfully so, fought against that. (Although it was at this time my ex found a gf and also relapsed..he even asked me to use with him as a way to get me back) My poor son smh. So my son stayed living with his father but spent 90% of the time with mother. It took me a year to snap out of it but by this time it was too late. I lost everyone. I even ended up homeless for a short time until I met someone who (is sobeno drug issues)had recently gone through a nasty divorce and has a daughter he is allowed to see a couple times a week. He lives in his mom's basement that is set up as a studio apartment and he pays his mom rent (small amt) and invited me to move in with him. It's been a wonderful relationship and I've been able to see and have a relationship with my son up until February of this year. (Ironically this is the same time my ex's girlfriend moved in with him.) His mom so has a separate bedroom that, if I can win custody, can be my son's bedroom.
I'm suddenly cut off all contact with my son:
On new years of this year, my ex and I decided as a new yrs resolution, we would communicate better regarding setting up a consistent schedule of me being able to see my boy. That was the last I spoke with him that month as I very shortly after found he had blocked me!! Like what??? After we just talked about our new yrs resolution?? Now, my son has an extremely close relationship with my mother. But MY relationship with her is toxic. However I was able to contact her and get her to agree to allow me to visit my son at her place. Little did I know this would be the last time I would see him. Everything went wonderful between me and my son but my mom and I got into an argument over something so petty (I unintentionally said something that offended her about her not monitoring my son's use of the computer). So she kicks me out and I had to walk home and have never seen my son since!!!
Legal aspects:
My ex has a very good job with great pay. (Which played a roll in my decision to allow my son to stay with his dad when I moved in with my father as I had no job.) He and his family have alaways been terrified, since the day they found out I was pregnant, that the day would come where I would go after him for child support. (He was in college and is very smart and his family all "have money". But make no mistake, that meant NOTHING to me when I was 17 and decided to date him an had an unplanned pregnancy with him.) They are actually the reason we never got married in our 12 yr relationship.
my ex's uncle is a family custody lawyer whereas I come from what some would consider a "white trash" family with little education and money. In other words, financially I am alone. My mother sides with my ex because they have a deal where she fraudulently claims my son on her taxes makes too much) and they split it. She even went as far as to spreading rumors that my son was autistic just so she could somehow get more money. I went to court yesterday to see if I could speak to family relations and LITERALLY broke down in tears when I was told that I would NOT be appointed any lawyepublic defender to help me on my behalf.
So what do I do? The only thing I have going for me is that I'm the mother (and being sober, I'm a damn good one at that, I truly am the better parent.) IM TOLD I CANT EVEN CALLED DCF BC THEY WONT TAKE ME SERIOUSLY AS I JUST COME OFF AS VINDICTIVE.
The police are useless because A) my ex's sister is engaged to one of the sergeants B) when I was 16 my best friend's dad was a sergeant and he sexually harassed or assaulted me (I don't know how to categorize it) and I filed a police report about it and he is now the top sergeant. C) I have been continuously harassed, humiliated and was even LITERALLY falsely arrested by them even the prosecutor was pissed and threw out the charge. My point? They are useless and obsessively HATE me. Nevertheless, I have called multiple times for welfare checks.
Examples that show my ex is a neglectful father:
-he has many guns including shotguns, that are not stored properly
-my son's bedroom floor is COVERED in animal feces and urine. They hide it by throwing a throw rug over it.
-My son has extremely poor hygeine. He doesn't know how to shower at 14 years old and doesn't know how to ride a bike or tie his shoes. No regular hair cuts at all. My ex's dogs get treated better.
-he is constantly being ignored and unmonitored while being kept in his bedroom all day on his computer using the internet doing who knows what. Barely any human interaction at all except when he sees my mother.
-I keep in touch with their neighbors (who used to be my neighbors) and she told me about an incident where there was such a loud fight between my son and my ex's gf and it was heard that she screamed at him "no wonder your mother wants nothing to do with you!"
-Me ex allows my son to consistently go with my mother even though he is VERY AWARE she drinks and drives with him. Sadly this is the only other human interaction he gets!
I have been BEGGING both my mother (who never responds to my texts) and my ex (who recently unblocked me for some reason) to see/talk to/interact with in any way with my son. Especially as his birthday approached on Oct 4. My exes first response to me was "no bc I don't want to deal with your drama". His other texts call me a drug addict (I get drug tested regularly in the program I'm on, my ex and I are both on a methadone) and I have been clean and given clean results for over a year. He calls me mentally unstable even though I have been seeing a psychiatrist for depression (I mean duh, I had to transition from being a full time mom to suddenly dealing with guilt of my mistakes which lead to me having no control of even seeing him). He tells me my son wants nothing to do with me, I'm a dead beat, there's nothing I can do bc of the pandemic and I can't even take him to court bc of it. In April he said I can see my son bc that's when the pandemic would be over but of course when that time came he accused me of still being "unstable" bc I called the police to do welfare checks on my son. Another exact text: "Sending a cop here and do that to him (my son) your a terrible mother im done goodbye." Another text said "I was gonna let you talk to him but since he got to tell the cops he's ok, there is no point in him teralking to you". Since he refused to let me see or even SPEAK to my son to wish him happy birthday, I asked if I could at least drop a gift off and he has not responded in over a week.
Whether you think I deserve my son or not, I thank you SO much for taking the time to read this. This is a matter of potential life changing for many people including a child and is extremely important to me as a fellow human being. You are probably in like the 4 % that is compassionate enough to care about another human being other than yourself.
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2020.10.15 15:11 Molidayz I’ve been dancing around the idea for too long

I (26f) have been in a relationship with my partner (31m) for a little over 4 years. When we started dating I was back in my home state “temporarily” with plans of moving out back west. We worked together and started sleeping together privately. I know this sounds cliche....but a few months has all of a sudden turned into 4 years in the blink of an eye. At the beginning of our relationship I expressed my disbelief in love and marriage and I knew I was keeping him at an arms distance but that is what I wanted. In the early years I was sleeping with other people and although we didn’t openly talk about it it was a known fact. One year he “got in a fight with his dad” and got “kicked out” of his house which as time goes on I think he may have just worded it in that way so that he could move in with me- I could be wrong of course maybe I’m just bitter. He has never spent a holiday with my family, though I have with his. He does not get along with my little sister who is my best friend and partner in life in many ways. They fought enough that we got separate apartments in an apartment building to stay close but separate. Day to say we get along and have a good home life but over the years and especially during quarantine we had many nasty fights with screaming and fighting over nothing In particular. Phone chargers being moved, dishes, groceries. I’ve tried to break up with him a few times and each time he tells me he might as well kill himself if I leave him. I know it’s usually a lie but I get so afraid I take back what I said. I do love and care for him but I feel like I am an emotional hostage. I feel like I’ve lost myself and what I want for his comfort. I don’t want to get married, I don’t want kids, yet he is always talking about our future together and the house we can build one day. I don’t think I love him anymore. I often don’t want to sleep with him. I feel like a sad, pathetic housewife and I’m not sure when this all changed but I have found myself suddenly stuck between feeling extremely unhappy and not wanting to send him back to this dark place he goes when we are not working out where he acts like someone I don’t know. I think he needs help but he shrugs off therapy or talking to someone. I have begun to develop feelings for a co worker and I find myself dreaming of feeling young again and dating and getting to know someone new yet I I said, like I have these emotional shackles around me that I don’t know why I can’t summon the strength to break. I guess I know what everyone will say- just rip the band aid off and be honest. It’s just going to make everything difficult. We have bills to pay and are so comfortable with each other but I can’t summon any passion or excitement from our comfort anymore. I feel selfishly frustrated because I feel like I’ve been clear from the start this isn’t what I wanted yet I know IM going to be the bad guy for expressing how I feel. Uhg. Why is love painful and temporary.
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2020.10.14 23:15 Uncommonthoughts3 Why wont he verbally commit but is physically commiting?

Why wont he commit
UPDATE: so after all that jazz⬇️ I started to distance myself a bit, he became more needy and wanted to see me more in which I eventually gave in. I see him like 5 times a week now and things from his end have been WAYYYYY more romantic. He has set up a little shrine of me basically in his house of everything I have ever made and given him & even has my name as his passwords for his medias. He texts me EVERYDAY first. And im also 10000% certain Im the only girl hes talking to since im always with him and my stuff is all over his house. Things seem more intense romantically but I still dont get it lol —-
What is this and what to do
Here I am yet again, and I will update you all on everything.
So I have been talking to this guy for nine months and we started the relationship finding each other on the dating website hinge. We hung out things started getting serious and we started having sex and stuff and two months and I followed up with a question like where do you want this to go because I really like you and basically he gave me a run around and told me” I don’t want to rush into anything serious but i do like you” So I respected it and I didn’t bring it up for a while things started getting more serious though with actions on his part. He wanted me over literally every other day and I would sleep over all the time. All his friends know who I am and what I am to him because I even had one of his friends come to me and tell me that I was a really good person for him and that I was a good girl for him, I quickly told his friend saying I’m not too sure on what our status of relationship is but I appreciate it thank you.
Months go on of us talking every single day and me being there literally four times a week and we started acting like boyfriend and girlfriend. I would help him clean his house and do little projects and help him with basic needs as much as I could because I cared for him. Basically I was showing him that I was housewife material and was in hopes that he would eventually verbally lock me down one day.
He started to show a bit of jealousy, in which secluded my thought on that he may be more into me then I thought he was. He would pretend to have my phone and pretend to be going through it even though he didn’t know my password is in a joking way. I never took offense to it. One day in particular he was brushing my hair for me and was telling me” see I take care of you, I brush your hair I feed you I make sure you’re satisfied, who else does this for you?” Im also his password for his hbo i found out because I asked him if i could use his account and he sent me his info and I was suprised to see I was his password. So it felt good knowing that he kinda recongized me in a weird way.
A couple months go further on and things are getting more serious and he comes to me for emotional stressors and starts opening up to me about certain things that normal friends wouldn’t do, especially just friends with benefits.
The month of my birthday came along and I reminded him that my birthday was in a week and he has told me that he’s really bad with birthdays and that he barely even remembers his mom birthday and which is in same month as well. I didn’t say anything more about my birthday until the day my birthday came, I fell asleep at his house the night before my birthday and woke up on my birthday and he didn’t say anything to me, he forgot. So I went out got cute and I posted on Instagram for him to see that I was celebrating my birthday. He instantly saw and he was so upset text me saying that he so sorry and that he such a jerk and then he invited me over the night of. So in my brain I was thinking OK he feels bad and he wants to make it up to me so I go there and he told me he was sorry and then ordered $100 worth of sushi and we ate sushi and called it a night. I was still hurt that he didn’t remember my birthday, but then I realized that maybe it’s not that important.
I was just more so looking for some sort of validation that I was important to him.
Three days after my birthday he started texting me a lot, like I’m talking more than normal and I was really short with him because I was unsure on how I was going to start the conversation again of like what are we, who am I to you because I’m confused.
He texted me and he said miss you, and then I said no way you don’t even think about me.
He then shortly followed up, what? I texted you like 100 times today He then shortly followed up, what? I texted you like 100 times today.
Then I said to him that I appreciate all the text but sometimes it’s hard for me because I always keep thinking about when we first started talking he told me that he didn’t want anything serious with me and I was unsure on what role I was playing in his life and in this relationship. All he said to me was I don’t know, I haven’t been having sex with anyone else though. In which I already knew, because I know his routine and as much as I’m over there he had no time to literally do anything else.
I left him on red and then he sent me a song called “Stay High” by Brittany Howard. Me, the way that I am I read the lyrics and it really confused me. So I sent him back a song “clay” by orange. Because if he wants to try to tell me something through a song that I’m gonna try to tell him something for his song.
We haven’t texted each other since. But every time I post an Instagram story he is literally the first one to see my story, so he’s actively seeking out what I’m doing but you won’t say anything to me. It’s been two full days of us not talking and I’m hurt and I don’t know what to do. Like, I’m OK with just strictly having sex and all that but I need to make sure we are on the same page so that I’m not isolating myself, because eventually I want a secure relationship and somebody that calls me their girlfriend verbally too.
I really like this guy and I really like him as a person. To the point that I have been learning his native language to show that im interested in commiting into even knowing his culture, ( i never told him I was learning, every now and again I would be cute and say a phrase in the language to just see his reaction). We also have an age gap. 26 (f) and 35 (m)
Im sad because I don’t understand why he wont verbally commit to me, but yet commits to me physically 100% in every action form.
What would you do in the situation?
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2020.10.14 18:53 mar480 Mad Men - how do the character's personal brands stop them from being happy?

I have to admit that, when everyone responded so positively to my Mr Robot vs Breaking Bad post last week, I was overwhelmed. To be honest, I've been going through a rough time lately and the sudden influx of compliments and attention helped me pick myself up a bit. A lot of people asked for more thoughts, especially on Mad Men and Bojack Horseman, so I decided to take you up on your offer and create a subreddit. I hope you enjoy this one - it was much harder writing without a question so do feel free to send in topics you think it would be fun to read about!
Before changing my career, I worked in marketing, advertising and branding. There are subtle but important differences between these three things: marketing is the process a business uses to promote its good and services and reach the audience; advertising is part of that marketing strategy and generates interest and enthusiasm in the goods/services through creative use of words and images; branding is the business' personality and the values that the audience associates with it.
Let me give an example from the first episode: Lucky Strike has a marketing problem: because of the government's new rules they cannot say that cigarettes are safe so their communication strategy has to change. They want to solve part of the problem through advertising - how can they creatively reach consumers and drive sales in this new environment? Don's solution is branding:
"But everybody else's tobacco is toasted."
"No. Everyone's else's tobacco is poisonous. Lucky Strike's is toasted."
When talking about branding, there are five types of brand personality and they have specific attitudes that we the consumer associate with them. Most brands are a mixture of two of these:
Sincerity (Household goods and food - Campbell's Soup, Fairy Liquid etc.):
  1. Domestic
  2. Down-to-earth
  3. Honest
  4. Wholesome
  5. Cheerful
Excitement (Technology - Apple's new iPhones, the PS5/XBox, cars):
  1. Daring
  2. Spirited
  3. Imaginative
  4. Up-to-date
Competence (Services - Couriers, B2B):
  1. Reliable
  2. Intelligent
  3. Successful
  4. Responsible
  5. Efficient
Sophistication (Luxury brands - perfumes, fashion, gourmet food and wine)
  1. Glamorous
  2. Pretentious
  3. Upper class
  4. Charming
  5. Romantic
Ruggedness (Construction, Sports, Clothes (and lots more) - Black&Decker, Levis, Jack Daniels)
  1. Outdoorsy
  2. Tough
In this example, I think Don is pushing for ruggedness and sincerity. There's something masculine, honest and earthy about his tagline. It does make you think of the Carolina sunshine and the high quality of production that goes into each cigarette. Of course, this is the exact opposite of the truth as presented in the episode: everyone is coughing at the start of the meeting, they are lying about the dangers of smoking, Lee Garner Sr is old and saggy, Lee Garner Jr doesn't know how the cigarettes are made, there is no difference between Lucky Strikes and anyone else's cigarette brand.
This is a key theme of Mad Men - how we communicate and bridge the gap between appearance and reality. This is something that is investigated for each character as an individual, how they relate to each other and in the wider historical context. Characters use the techniques of advertising and branding as part of their psychological marketing strategies to control their identities and understand their place in a shifting world.
We could broadly brand each of our main characters (with the caveat that these characters change substantially over the course of the show) with one of the personalities above - Peggy is sincerity, Joan and Megan are excitement, Don is competence and ruggedness, Betty and Roger are sophistication - but these only really capture these characters when they are performing (advertising) in public, making sure that others see them they want to be seen (marketing). In private, each character often displays the opposite characteristics of their brand personality. Peggy is shrewd and rejects maternity and domesticity for her career. Joan is desperate to be married and actively encourages others to get married even as her marriage is falling apart and while she comes to terms with her rape. Don is impulsive and careless and largely indifferent to the suffering he causes others, especially his children. Betty is a deeply ugly person on the inside who carelessly abuses her children.
And then, of course, there's Pete Campbell who is the opposite of all of these brand personalities - a dishonest, miserable, incompetent, snivelling, jealous, balding weasel of a WASP manchild - an anti-brand, if you will!
Since these five brand personalities are insufficient to make up a real identity, the characters are constantly forced into confronting the darker aspects of their personalities, which cannot, by definition, be encompassed in branding. The Big Five Personality Traits is a useful framework for exploring this further. It breaks an individual's personality down into five areas:
  1. Conscientiousness: impulsive, disorganized vs. disciplined, careful
  2. Agreeableness: suspicious, uncooperative vs. trusting, helpful
  3. Neuroticism: calm, confident vs. anxious, pessimistic
  4. Openness to Experience: prefers routine, practical vs. imaginative, spontaneous
  5. Extraversion: reserved, thoughtful vs. sociable, fun-loving
Let's use Betty Draper as an example. Her Sophistication brand identity can be reconfigured as:
We could do this for all of the characters but, to save space, here's a few summaries of some real life consequences that stem from relying on a personal brand:
WARNING: SPOILERS BELOW - too many to comment out
All of which is to say that you cannot live a happy life if that life is built on a foundation of illusions, lies and a refusal to accept reality (i.e. the very nature of advertising). This, of course, is the failed brand of Don Draper. He's a man living inside a dead man's skin; a deserter masquerading as a veteran. A man whose shame over his past as a poor abused child from a brothel drives him to remake himself so he can join the elite WASP circles that Roger moves in. He's a man in perpetual decline even as he represents the high ideal of what every man imagines they are supposed to be, even to himself. He becomes increasingly more impulsive, careless and disorganised as his competent, rugged brand persona disintegrates. He was always brusque and a bit of a show off but he becomes outright cruel to those who notice what's happening or want to help. He was always fairly introverted but he increasingly runs away from his chosen faked life - to Anna, the commune etc. - in the hopes of finding another answer in his search for his real identity. He is open to new experiences on that quest, but is a traditionalist at heart, and he cannot help himself from seeing things through the lens of the fake reality of advertising; even when meditating in the final scene, he sees a way to co-opt this movement to increase sales. And, although he finds a sense of self-acceptance in S7, his anxiety, fear of vulnerability and general hostility remain.
By contrast, Peggy, who represents all the best part of Don, has almost the opposite experience. By being straightforward and stalwart, even in the face of overwhelming rejection and challenges from the status quo, her sincerity brand triumphs. She is able to adapt to the world around her, building high competence and diligence in her professional identity, an emotional stability that steers her in the right direction, a curiosity that creates empathy and an open-mind, and allows her to discover who she really is rather than who people tell her she should be. Her brand doesn't preclude her from experiencing real human emotions so she doesn't suffer in the same way as the other characters (this makes sense as she is the audience surrogate character so she doesn't come pre-set with a brand like betty or Don).
There's so much more I could say - I have a few paragraphs on the state of America during the events of Mad Men and it's brand identity and I didn't even mention Sally - but I think this is long enough! I'm really looking forward to your comments and questions and do let me know what you'd like to hear more of next.
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2020.10.13 17:33 Meda13Octl What you are looking for is..... (Link in the Desc.)5

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2020.10.13 17:29 Smartalum THE book on cults: "When Propacy Fails"

It is probably one of the most important books written in the last 60 years. Three professors wore a book on a bizzaire cult based around the automatic writings of a Housewife who predicted the arrival of aliens. What interested the authors, and why it is so important, is how we process congiative dissonance. In other words, when our belief system is challenged by events, how do we react, and what needs to happen to actually change our opinion.
Since then the book has been used to understand ISIS, and more than a few have applied the book's lessons to political and religeous beliefs.
What surprised the authors was that in the face of evidence that contradicts with our belief system, we often actually tend to become MORE committed to the belief and not less. In the specific instance the aliens did not arrive on the date predicted. But groups members actually became more committed after that.
From wikipedia, here are the requirements for believers to become more committed when confronted with contradictory evidence. Much of NVIXM fits this criteria. The last bullet point explains why Keith wanted people in Orchard Park. The second explains the importance of collateral. It is probable Keith read this book.
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2020.10.13 17:10 IdolA13Octl What you are looking for is..... (Link in the Desc.)3

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2020.10.13 14:15 readingrachelx Housewife highlights/Daily shit talk - October 13th, 2020

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